I ended up purchasing a Tanita TBF-622 Body Fat Monitor/Scale combo at Fry's yesterday. They wanted $20 less than the web site, which is why I shifted my model choice. I've fiddled with it since, both alarming and amusing myself.
First the alarm. I'm nearly 1/4 fat! Gotta keep grinding that down. The scary thing is, I know that I was carrying even more lard six months ago. 30%? 33.33333333......???
The amusing thing is that I weighed myself just before bed, and just after rising. Bed: 217.5 lb. Rising: 212.5 lb. Between trips to the restroom and respiration, I shed five pounds. Pity that's gonna map as a sine wave, rather than a monotonically decreasing function.